Fuck.

Today, as most days since "Now it's up to you", I have talked to Nemesis. We click. Something makes talking to each other... either easy or meaningful. At the end of my day (and hers too) I decided to call her. We've done that a few times (as you might know from our previous post), with different results, always interesting.

And at one point, the call ended mid-sentence. I thought the call got disconnected, so I pressed call again. Then she disconnected. Must be her connection, I imagined.

Nemesis: SOOO SORRY!

Me: :))

Nemesis: Ehm ...

Me: No?

Nemesis: The Viking suddenly walked into the office.

:|

Me: :|

Nemesis: Yeah ... ehm ...

Me: O.O

Nemesis: And I even think he saw you call again.

Me: Fuck

Nemesis: SO SORRY

Me: I'm sorry!!!!

Nemesis: I couldn't close Gtalk fast enough

Me: You ok?

Nemesis: Ehm ... yeah

Dunno yet

How this may affect the situation, I don't know. I know Nemesis has feelings for me. She told me that her heart is saying YES, but logic is saying that she should stay with the Viking.

As much as I want Nemesis to pick me, I know she has to make the right choice, and I don't want that choice to be taken during a fight with The Viking, or me, or anyone else for that matter.

I can't help but feel that I have lost her. I'm trying to stop myself from feeling that, and I know that's probably wrong too.

I know this sounds gay as fuck, but you're reading my blog, so you must have gotten used to it by now, so here it comes:

If there is something called Love, if it exists, if it's as big and powerful as they say it is, Nemesis might be my chance at it. I know she feels a little bit this way too (a bit less girly, probably). If she says "no"... I know I will feel like the only precious thing worth considering in this mediocre world we inhabit is being rejected because it's too much of an inconvenience.

I know it's not fair to think like this. I might have another chance at happiness, who knows... but right now, I seriously doubt it. I can't help it.

Imagine Juliet saying to Romeo "Sorry, my parents told me I should marry this other guy, Paris... You see, he's a Capulet, so... yeah."

Please, let this not be the end of us. Fuck.