Insufficient data

When expectations are too high, you are most likely to get disappointed.

Nemesis and the Viking broke up. The 2 week period did not last 7 days. And then Nemesis told me that, as he had suggested, we shouldn't talk for a month. That goes for all; him an her, me and her.

Fair is fair, she said, we shouldn't talk either. But fairness isn't a part of this, it never was. During one of our Skype conversations, one that was supposed to break us up for a month, I ended up suggesting that I go there and spend Holy week together. Her smile was enough to do it. A couple of calls and I was almost packing. It's just 5 days or so, but I really wanted to see her, to be with her, to know if this whole thing was real. The worst thing that could happen was that I went there and we didn't click, right? Nemesis asked her closest friends for a vote in the matter, and most of them agreed that I should come. And so I did.




I barely told anybody (sorry, guys, I sincerely apologize), but I guess I didn't keep it quiet enough. The few people who knew (mainly Nemesis' closes friends), or the things I said/posted must have been enough for the Viking to know. He had another talk with Nemesis, saying that it WAS an actual break up now, whatever that means.

Nemesis picked me up at the airport, and we went to have some brunch. We talked, we laughed, I blamed the jet lag for my bad jokes, and she took me to my hotel. And God, she's still... her.

That same night, we went to meet Nemesis' friends. It was a fun night, and I was partly scared, partly excited about the grilling that was destined to occur. But nothing much really happened during dinner, really. They asked me why I was there, and I explained, basically. And then, after dinner, Nemesis' Brain arrived. And that's when the whole thing got harder.

She asked me in English a lot of questions, and explained a few things. Then she talked to Nemesis in Filipino, not noticing that I was going through a hard time doubting about what all the "Viking", "Spaniard", etc was about. "It's ok", I thought to myself. Then we talked some more, and the conversation started going a bit gentler on me at the end. The verdict? "Insufficient data". There's not enough information about me to know if I could be the best candidate for Nemesis. Breaking up and getting back up again is hard, and it takes a lot out of you, and in Nemesis' case, maybe a bit too much, as she's gone through quite a few intense ones. Is the risk worth her life? The only thing in my favor is that Nemesis loves me.

As I write these lines, she's sleeping behind me, after spending most of yesterday in my bed and a few hours with her daughter. I think I've slept barely 3 hours today, and all that I can think of is that I don't know what will happen. I know I love Mara, and I wish I could be with her, but the Brain was right, we don't know if I'll be with Nemesis forever, or if it won't work out because I'm not ready to be in a serious, adult relationship. I'm a gamble. And the data isn't enough to know the odds.