9

I didn't sleep too well tonight. I went to bed with eNemesis, who had trouble sleeping and, everytime I opened my eyes (which happened every hour or so), I wanted her to be there. That happened just twice.

Today I woke up from a dream where I was lookung for an album while dogs bit my legs and the song 'Heartbreak warfare' was playing. I shower-scened, and felt, once again, heartbroken. Well, something close to that; I've never had my heart broken, since, as it seems, I've never had a heart.

After the shower, I thought about questions like "Has she said anything?""Any news?""When are you leaving for Manila?" All those questions that are being asked frequently by my friends, along with "Have you ever had your heart broken?" I tried to chuckle at the fact that all those questions have the same answer: not yet. I realized I felt like someone was pushing me down. Physically. Raising my head and standing up straight has taken me quite some effort today. Then the maid said with a smile, as I was pouring some orange juice downstairs: You're gonna be alone again, huh?

While on the car, on my way to the office I've learnt to detest, I didn't play any music. If I don't have anybody telling me about love or relationships, I should be ok, I thought. Once again I was wrong. I Facebooked: Back to square 3. Chest pains, heavy breathing, not-so-safe driving... I hope for the 'yes', but I can feel the 'no' materializing before me.

It's 9:30ish in the morning and my day already feels unbearable. Why am I not in Manila already? Even one of my co-workers asked me if I was ok. I must look like I feel.