Take a deep breath... hold it...

As you may have noticed from yesterday's post, my mood's not the greatest due to some Nemesis-related events. We're still 30 days apart from each other, and that is taking a huge effort from both of us. I guess I was being less affected by it since, well, I have lots of things to do, and each of those things, although don't bring me closer to her geographically speaking, are necessary steps towards her. And also, they keep my mind occupied enough to not think constantly about how extenuatingly long it's taking for us to finally be together.

Although I think I know what's bothering Nemesis, I can't really do much to comfort her. She wants to be comforted, but I just can't do it, since each line of our chats is just another confirmation of me being here, and not there. She doesn't want solutions to her state, or explanations, or anything of that sort; she doesn't even want me to relate. She wants me, there. And we're still 30 days away from that; 30 long, terrible days. Different but the same for each.

It'll be a while before I get there. We're gonna have to learn how to live like this before we can exhale.

I suck. Moving on...

The whole situation is finally sinking in and I have been checking out the last 2 years of my Nemesis' posts.

Doing that, I have reached a few thoughts that have probably been quite enhanced by my jet lag:

1.- She's still quite teh awesome.

2.- She's suffered like a bitch, and some of that grief comes from your loyal Maître-D.

3.- I have been a repressed asshole. Not only I have hurt myself by repressing my innermost feelings, but I have hurt her way more than i thought.

4.- If I'm feeling like crap, shower-scening and all that, I fucking deserve it.

Aside from those realizations, I am still trying to go on with the plan.

What is the plan, you ask? I guess you'll have to wait for chapter 2. Or will it be on chapter 3?

Maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong, but tonight you're on my mind, so you never know. -Jeff Buckley

PROLOGUE

It’s been 3 days since the incident, 2 days after the diagnosis. Stranded by choice on an island in the Philippines, I still have no idea of how to deal with the situation.

But this might be it.