Doubt and tell

I have finally been able to calm down as much as I can after the latest incident. I have had dinner with JMercury and his mother, who is, not by chance, my honorary mother, and she has given me some insight about all this... situation.

She has suggested that the healthiest thing to do in this situation would be for Nemesis to tell the Viking. It's making this issue way more complicated, and it's going to be messy in the end. Things should be told right from the start, as history has taught us.


Of course, as the scared idiot I am, I suggested that might not be a good idea; why should he suffer for the doubts Nemesis is having?

And of course again, reason does rise above our fears: we're all suffering already from this. Why should we (Nemesis and I) be acting like children doing something wrong? The doubt IS real, after all. Is she going to be able to make a decision while acting in front of the Viking (and some others) as if this wasn't happening? If she chooses me, is she going to be able to tell the Viking that she has been thinking about it for weeks, months? Isn't their relationship already getting hurt by this?

In a nutshell: "Right. We're doing it wrong". The Viking doesn't deserve to be in the dark. We all deserve to be loved fully and without doubts. This is the purpose of all of this, right?

How could I tell Nemesis to do this? I suggested it once, but it IS her decision. I could email the Viking and suggest a Gentlemen's agreement on this. At least things would be clearer for everyone...

One day later, talking to Nemesis, she told me she thinks the same thing. She just has to figure out the how and the when. She's scared that the Viking will freak out.

I don't want her relationship to be more affected by this than it should. I hope the Viking will understand that this, painful as it is, is for the best. I hope Nemesis won't be heartbroken again. I hope this won't end up in a rushed decision, and I trust Nemesis to do the right thing; I know she sometimes struggles to do what it's right, but I also know she really wants to. She's just scared, sometimes. Aren't we all?


"Hoping and wishing will do us no good. If we cannot act on our hopes, fight our fears, and allow us to do the unexpected, we're not worthy of being happy."

Who am I?

Ever since I told Nemesis about my realization regarding my happiness, things have been... changing.

I'm putting Nemesis in a very critical situation, and I know that's gotta suck for her. Does she want to be the kind of girlfriend who dumps his boyfriend just because I, an ex-boyfriend who made her life miserable when I left, just realized that still love her 2 years later?

Do I want to be a guy who waltzes back into my ex's life and, realizing he had made a mistake leaving, decides that "now it's ok to steal a dude's girlfriend"?

I have never been like that. I was a very correct, polite, eager to please, and plan-following kind of person. I was selfless, and that was home. It's easy to please everybody when you're not in the picture. Problem avoidance wasn't hard, and doing "the right thing" and being honest at all times could keep me out of trouble for another 30 years, no doubt.

All of a sudden, I realize that I want to be happy, and that should be the priority. I can afford to be bold, and do and say things that are definitely shocking for anybody who had known me before "chapter 2", just because they're on the path of my happiness, and because I don't want to keep my feelings secret anymore. I can finally say "I love you" to Nemesis, and although this takes an effort on my account, I know it's true. It might screw her up that I say that, after all this time. She has never said it back to me...

I don't know if I'm becoming a nihilist, an objectivist, or a selfish asshole.

Your opinions are welcome.