Endings

I have finally told my bosses, and now most of the people in my company know that I'm leaving. I am trying to get a job (wouldn't it be great if I moved there with an actual income?), since I'll be pretty much unemployed for the 1st time in... 7 years or so. Damn, that's a long time. My bosses took it pretty well, and I'm happy to say that they've told me they will be there for anything that I might need. Just with that, they're helping already. I guess they don't hate me that much ofter all! Or maybe they're just trying to get me to stay as far from them as possible, haha!

Anyway, now I'm trying to find a place to stay, that may vary if/when I get a job. Thankfully I have Nemesis helping me with that. Nemesis will check out an apartment soon that could be pretty good for me if I don't get a job. If I do, that apartment will be good too, but I may be able to move to a bigger one without thinking about how my bank account is just taking loss after loss. And yes, I can lose money for a while and be ok, but I... well, I don't want to, basically. Also, I guess I like to work; I feel the need to get up every morning and do something productive, what can I say?

There's pressure and a sense of hurrying, and numbers to crunch, and fingers to cross, and... basically lots of things to do. I'm trying to finalize every project that I am handling now, trying to make a smooth leave from my job into unemployment, leaving every knot tied as hard as possible. This is the end of a chapter in my life, and turning a page is pretty exhausting, I guess this chapter was way too long already.

I really need some rest. I'm collapsing A LOT. Last weekend I slept for 15 hours one night. That's... slightly more than what I sleep in 4 days. That's how tired I am. But, surprisingly, what REALLY leaves me rested is doing what I've always done. Going to a bar and grabbing a beer and some hotdogs and bacon burgers. Those things that I've been doing since I was 16, those things I can do out of inertia... THAT does it for me. The 15 hours? I guess doing those things also give me a sense of belonging that gives me peace of mind. Maybe the greatest goodbye is the one that doesn't feel different from any other.