CHAPTER 3: The dust settlers

In which the events are told to others, and others give their advice, input, opinion, or don’t really give a f***.

After freaking out from all that information that had just been revealed, I needed some input. Well, first I needed to shower-scene, but then i needed some input.

Interesting fact that will last a paragraph and will make this post completely unstructured: many of my friends in the Philippines have (or have had) issues with Nemesis on the past; most of those issues were my fault though, as they began when I wasn’t ready to tell people about Nemesis and me... but that’s another story. Well, it’s the same story I always mention when I say it’s another. Now back with the ACTUAL story.

Who to turn to? Well, friends are friends, and so, luckily, they care about me... Maybe not a lot, but enough for me anyway.

So that night I turned to Controversial Friend, since we had already talked about watching a Zombie-ish movie (gotta love zombies) a few days back, and ‘Legion’ was available that night. I was quite... devastated, really. I had trouble breathing, standing, moving, and holding my tears inside my face, where they belong. And the movie sucked too!

I met up with Controversial Friend (a.k.a. CF) and her boyfriend PurpleBear (who, incidentally, is one of Viking’s best friends - yeah, the plot thickens) at Starbucks, and I proceeded to tell them what had happened, and they were really cool about it. They managed to not slap me in the face for being this emo, so that was nice of them.

I have been talking to CF for a while now and, despite her... not-OKness with Nemesis, she has always been eager to hear what i have to say, and supportive in a non ‘dudethatsucksandthatsit’ kinda way.Sometimes, things like “ if i were still her friend, i would kick her in the head. Then i would kick YOU in the head” are exactly what one needs to hear.

Another good friend advised discretion:

FoxFeeder: don't be so quick to turn around on it yet. We all feel a certain way when we see our exes. So you're still not over Nemesis. That we know now.
Me: I don't think I will make any life changing decisions just now. I shouldn't. But I must think about it.
FoxFeeder: next is, what do you want to do about it?
FoxFeeder: yeah, you shouldn't. not when you're this emotional. You need to find a way to strike a balance between your head and your feelings.

And then, back in Spain, I told a couple of friends. JMercury said that, in my situation, I could just wing it, if i think that’s what will make me happy. He’s explained how it wouldn’t be crazy to just leave. He has also told me that I should think about it calmly and not act on the spur of the moment.

My family... well, my mom started talking about her car (I guess I know where the repression comes from). And my dad told me that he just wants me to be happy, and that I should give me a couple of months to think about such a decision, and that I would need to get a job whether I end up living there, in London, in Spain or in Canada.

So, except for my mom’s (sorry, but that sucked), all of it good advice.

Everybody who loves me is telling me the same 2 things:

1.- We know it’s hard to think about ditching everything and leave, but we know you can do it. It’s hard, but it’s not crazy.

2.- Think about it calmly.

I have heard those things many times in my head, but it’s hard to tell crap from reality when you’re thinking about things as elusive as love or happiness.

What is true is this: I can’t be thankful enough for having such good friends and family around me. Friends who aren’t scared that I might fuck up, because (so they think) I’m better than that.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anaïs Nin