CHAPTER 2: Revelations

In which the past is changed, truths are revealed, two loves are professed, and the fan and the shit become best friends, form a heroic duo, and declare me their arch-rival.

“We need to talk” has never been the nicest of things to hear (or read); it’s a cliché for a reason, and that reason was revealed to me through 3 different YMs. Some of the things that happened the night before I remembered, some of them I didn’t, and some I still don’t.

(Since posting all the conversations would take way too much space, I’ll just go ahead and give you the highlights)

The previous night, after a couple of shots, I remember asking Nemesis:
- Ok, this will define the rest of this evening and probably of our relationship; do you want me to say what I feel it’s right or do you want me to say what I actually want to say?
- Say what you want to say.

That was the detonator. I’m not saying it was Nemesis’ fault, she couldn’t have foreseen what was about to happen, but after that, I started doing the following:
1.- Telling Nemesis that I love her.
2.- Telling the Viking that I loved his girlfriend.
3.- Reaching for Nemesis’ hand.
4.- Kissing Nemesis’ hand.
5.- Fixing Nemesis’ hair and brushing it off her face.
6.- Telling the Viking that I was thinking all night about kissing Nemesis.

I also carried her in my arms while she apparently giggled and “looked... happy or something”. I would swear that Nemesis asked me to, but apparently nobody remembers that part... not that it would've made a difference.

Oh, and I asked The Clinically Insane if she wanted to fuck (although the Viking jokingly suggested that).

I had never told Nemesis that I loved her.

And there I was, finally saying it... to her boyfriend.


After re-reading the logs for the 3rd time, I finally got a hold of a couple of sentences that my brain had refused to process:

The Viking and I think you're just .. repressed. That's all.

You're eerily polite and always do the proper thing.
Because you'd rather be proper than happy.
You know what, I think you should learn to live with that dude* instead of hiding him if that's what you're trying to do.

*. That dude: The guy I was the night before.


And this is how a bottle of José Cuervo and confronting my ex did more for me than my last 5 therapists.

All hail to the EPIC Jose.

I’ve been repressing pretty much everything for the longest time. I don’t really know if I’m supposed to be who I’ve turned out to be. My last real relationship ended 17 months ago and I just realized it now.

Oh, and apparently I still love Nemesis.