Cougar

Today I went with JMercury to a concert; some friends were playing and that's what friends do whether they like it or not.

After the concert and a couple of failed introductions (a friend was going to introduce me to a couple of girls since I was the only single guy there - never happened), JMercury and I started talking about how some guys just sucked, and how we didn't.

It was then, over that discussion about how intellectual factors damaged the earliest stages of evolution's mating and courtship habits of the contemporaneous males, that a 'cougar' started glancing in our general direction.

Our eyes did unfortunately meet: hers, filled with expired seduction with a dash of alcoholism; mine, filled with awkwardness and disbelief in the form of an overly raised eyebrow. That didn't keep the cougar from trying to get JMercury and me to dance.

The things that would look cute in a 20-something year old girl, like acting as if she were sad when we politely declined her offer, aren't that cute anymore when you're well over 30 (as in mid forties). Just sayin'.

That didn't stop the predator though: she hugged JMercury from behind while she tried to look seductively to me. She did feel us a couple of times, running her hand down our chest and (luckily) stopping at our belts.

When I was about to pretend JMercury was my gay partner, he politely said that we weren't interested, and that we were discussing some important matters. She left then, but looked at us every now and then, reminding us that, when we least expected it, she might return.

If that's what women feel when guys try to "flirt" (yeah, do the finger thing) with them, I sincerely apologize on behalf of my gender. Please feel free to kindly let us know that you aren't interested using any of this sentences:

- What makes you think I'm within your reach?
- Sorry, I only talk to people I don't despise.
- If you were taller, cuter, wittier, and had a totally different DNA, maybe I'd think about it.
- The mere sight of you makes me feel nauseous, would you mind leaving?

Feel free to contribute to this small collection of sentences. Remember: being cruel and hurtful is not only good for you, it's good for the rest of the victims around you.